C0rk.W0rd

Bob Jones University, Oh yea... and HO HO HO!

I recently finished Al Franken's book Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right. In it Franken discusses a comical ruse executed by him and a research assistant at Bob Jones University. I'm not going to relay the story in its entirety, you can buy the book for the whole thing, but lets just say it involves a widowed born-again mother, a box of blood, and evolution... Regardless, It's just the kind of civil and polite irreverence I enjoy. The mentioning of one particular article titled "Three College Shipwrecks" really demanded my personal investigation. Al claimed it to be written by Bob Jones, founder of the University, and treated me to a small sample. Though I never hastened to call the writer a "liar", some of the things he relayed, through his telling, defied belief. Though the radical right rarely disappoints…

Below is a link to the article in question, being freely displayed on the BJU (the 8th grader in me chuckles) website. If you do a little poking around the University Policies area of the site, I think you'll be particularly shocked at just how RADICAL BJU's policies are. In fact, BJU supplies several explanations as to why parents should not allow their children to make their OWN choice when it comes to where they pursue college education. I'm also greatly entertained by the section explaining to parents why they shouldn't care that BJU is NOT an accredited University. << Your Feedback is MOST welcomed >>

Article By BOB JONES - Three College Shipwrecks - Apparently all of us attending non-Christian 'accredited' universities are doomed to "blow our brains out".

BJU's Special Articles Section - A Sort of FAQ - check out the Religion on the Gap Theory Section... perhaps this is not the best place to go pre-med.

... thank you in advance for you observations ...

A Little Fun For Your Tuesday Morning

A little civil disobedience never hurt anybody...

I came across a few of these Google anomalies while browsing around the web, the whole idea is to get them to the top of the Google listing by rampant cross-linking. I'll save you the explanation of why all of this occurs, but it's still VERY amusing. Anti-Bush, Anti-War, messages distributed in this fashion have become so common that they were recently featured in a New York Times Article.

Please follow the instructions below for a good little chuckle...esp if Bush is not your preferred war criminal.

1. Go to http://www.google.com
2. Type the following string into the search field: "miserable failure"
3. Click the "I'm Feeling Lucky" Button

For a 2nd laugh, complete the same process using "weapons of mass destruction" as your search criteria.

I've Always Said He Reminded Me of 'Curious George'

“Freedom Feels Good” (Thought I had while having my balls fondled by security)

Chaz needed pictures for his photography class. Since the Eagles weren't playing we decided to go to Independence Hall on Sunday. I don't think I've been there since 5th or 6th grade, and the only thing i remember about THAT trip (class trip) was Jonathan Balsham having 5 packs of cotton candy flavored bubble gum. Every member of our group chewed at least 7 pieces. It wasn't long before our mouths were blue and our tummy's aching. Anyway... (Check Out The Pics In the M0Bl0g...)

They built this big 'ol 'Independence' Museum thing that runs 2 city blocks. To visit Independence Hall one must first acquire a ticket from the park ranger in the museum 2 blocks from the actual Hall. Tickets in hand, you'll then be permitted to enter the Hall grounds through a security checkpoint. All other entrances are blocked by metal fencing, and are actively patrolled by park rangers. Now, park rangers do not intimidate me, but I think the security, besides being completely ineffective, really serves to show how our liberties and freedoms are all being stripped from us. Now, I've never been a big AMERICA YAY person, but I'm also not one to let absudities go by unnoticed. Watching a woman in a wheelchair be hoisted up so that she can be properly frisked before entering the grounds of a monument that exonerates freedom and liberty is, I'm sorry, LAUGH OUT LOUD ABSURD!!!

If the goal of terrorism is to strike FEAR into ones enemy, then never has there been a more effective and victorious act of terrorism than the events of September 11th. If you think that statement is insensitive, then you missed my point COMPLETLEY.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go heat up some Freedom-Bread Pizza.

(You'll probably hear more on this in the future, if John Ashcroft doesn't show up and ship me off to Guantanamo)

ENNEAGRAM Personality Test

Below is my result from the SimilarMinds Enneagram Test... I can see some parts, but not others... Chime in, and let me know if you would agree or disagree with the results...

... And by chime in... I mean LEAVE COMMENTS!!!

JERK!!!

I am an asshole, who will continue to rub women.... or, awe hell EVERYONE the wrong way (not literally)... I should try growing a heart one of these days … that is all

...off to beat myself up now, since I feel like leper's ass smells (bad)....

There is probably no rationale for my current state... I’m just overly critical of myself. Bear with me, I'll try to put a positive spin on things, when and if I post tomorrow night... again my apologies.

WHAT THE HELL?

Ok, It is really fucking hot out today. I'm a little irritated by that, but I have still managed to consume three cups of coffee -- most of them good. Luckily I am typing to you from the air conditioned bowels of Drexel's Korman Center -- Room 111F to be exact. My creative non-fiction class is going to start in a little bit, and I just thought I would throw down some words, since I'm not in the mood to construct anything mildly academic. The past few days have been all about procrastinating. As mentioned in my previous post, I have 7 papers due next week -- adding up to approximately 24 pages of text. I tend to produce better work under pressure, but at the same time, I really need to be 'in-the-mood' to churn out quality papers. It is my intention to set aside a day this weekend to write and just pump the fuckers out one by one.

Though I know you all love reading about all the shit that is bugging me, I thought i would try to discuss some actual topics rather than simply 'bitch' --- for lack of a better term...

On Linguistics...

According to an article in the Bangkok Post, over 3,000 new terms are being added to the Oxford Dictionary. Some of these words/phrases include --- Bada Bing: emphasizing something will happen effortlessly and predictably; and Muggle: which according to Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling, denotes a person who is lacking magical powers. The Oxford Dictionary's focus on maintaining an index of 'living' language, seems to warrant the addition of such bizarre and unusual terms, that are more the product of pop culture than anything else. Now I know that most of your are expecting my to harp on how absurd it is to recognize such terms as part of the English language, but I'm somewhat amused by the circus in this regard. Though to be truthful, it is more of a selfish interest or intrigue. This stems from my intention to introduce the word 'assholism' (pronounced ASS-HOLY-ISM) into the language. It specifies the condition that results in someone being an asshole. Such a term could come in handy such as "I suffer from genetically induced assholism" or "The conflict in Iraq is the result of presidential assholism" or "I plead guilty by reason of assholism". Yeh! I know this is a pretty dumb idea, but its just so much FUN to say... ASSHOLISM!!!

On the use of - 'Mr. Corkery'

As far back as I can recall, teachers, professionals and various other persons have always taken to calling me 'Mr. Corkery' or in some instances 'Dr. Corkery'. I would like to think that it is a formal display of respect, and though I enjoy being called 'Mr. Corkery' sometimes, I can't help but wonder if it is intended as mockery. I suppose you could equate it to the way that Agent Smith calls Neo 'Mr. Anderson' in The Matrix. It always seems to carry that conniving and somewhat belittling tone. Perhaps it is my affinity for sarcasm that leads me down this path of thought? Making use of titles, when addressing someone outside of a professional environment, can often be equated with sarcasm. Though I am certain this is all just paranoia on my part, I can't help but be somewhat bothered by it. I know I am making something out of nothing, but I seem to have a natural knack for over-examination.

... ok ... this has probably been the most ill-conceived and poorly executed post I have written in a good-long-while… I got carried away trying to be cool and lost sight of the fact that I’m not. Christ, I had an hour long discussion about Star Trek last night, followed by another 20 minutes trying to determine who should be cast in the movie version of the Graphic Novel Series Preacher. I hardly consider these flaws in my character, but I’m certain that some feel otherwise. Then again, I am hard pressed to determine what those alleged ‘cool’ folks have to say for themselves --- actually they were probably off getting laid. I take comfort in the fact that it was more than likely shallow and meaningless sex that I wouldn't envy in the first place. It’s all relative.

What in the hell am I talking about? … god-damn-it --- somebody pull me out of this FUNK!!! (word-of-the-week)

FYI – “In Hot Water” – (Phrase of the Week)

Next time I will try to return to my old format... doing what I apparently do best... producing vast amounts of text that for-all-intents-and-purposes SAYS absolutely NOTHING!!!

I’m going to demand your comments as always, but I’m already upset enough about the piss poor quality of this post, so let’s keep them on the positive end shall we?