We were asked to write a little tid bit in non-fiction class the other day. It was supposed to be related in some way to a story we had read regarding an authors experience in catholic school. Though we had to obligation to incorporate Catholicism into our writing, I think what I produced, though not very eloquent, is at least worth reading. It is a real quick brush over my young life with Catholicism, and how it is i came to become an atheist... as I am today.
I may consider focusing on a certain aspect of this initial draft in a future paper for this class. Like many others, I seem to write better when I am passionate about the topic. While you are reading, please take into consideration that this work borders on "stream-of-consciousness" as I took little time to edit or rephrase anything. For want of a better description... it is 'a brainstorm put to paper' ... or in this case computer.... enjoy~!
I was brought up catholic, which may come as a surprise to some of my friends who are all quite aware of my current religious state. To be perfectly frank, I am an atheist. And though there are many facets to my current lack of faith, that is a different story altogether. What I want to tell you about is how I came to abandon my catholic roots. Before I do that, however, I should probably clear up any misgivings surrounding my use of the term “atheist”. I use the term atheist because it wards off “well-to-do Christian/catholic folk” bent on saving me from myself. To be truthful I am more of an “agnostic with atheist tendencies.” The problem was that many missionary minded religious persons perceived my agnosticism as something that could be worked around – they wanted to SAVE me. Far be it from me to tell anyone who or what they should believe in, but to that end, I expect to be extended the same courtesy. I will gladly engage in a civil discussion of religious principles, but those who demand my allegiance to their line of thinking really bug me. You may find some of these fuckers on your doorstep asking to leave “information” with you. Essentially, my choice to use the word atheist to describe my religious state of being stems purely from a desire to be left alone by those who intend to press their religious beliefs upon me.
THE 11th COMMANDMENT – “Keep Thou Religion to Thou Self”
I often, in a pathetic attempt at humor tell people that I was catholic, until I reached the age of reason, which some of you may know to be a paraphrasing of a well known George Carlin sketch relating to this very topic -- though that DOES accurately reflect the model which guided my trip from Catholicism to atheism. As a former catholic, I was privy to all the holy sacraments including baptism, reconciliation, communion, and confirmation. I was forced to endure Sunday school in order to be educated about the ways in which I was to receive the lord. I was just a baby when I was baptized, so no biggy there… some priest anointed me with petro and let me swim around in the holy water. Reconciliation (softer language – as opposed to confession) was the 1st sacrament we were offered in about the 3rd grade. After 6 months of schooling, we were entrusted to proceed with a confession (reconciliation). I was a bit too nervous to confront the priest who in our church did not sit in an anonymous booth, but rather, took you into a nice little room where you told him your sins face to face. I never went to confession, but I told my Sunday school teacher that I did, and that’s about all that mattered. So as you can see… I was off to a good start…
“Forgive me father for I have sinned… I lied about having gone to confession”
The next sacrament was money… I mean communion. You know, that thing where they turn bread and wine into the body and blood of Christ. I couldn’t help but think, ‘damn the lord is stale and non-alcoholic, what a jack.’ Regardless, this necessitated an additional 6 months of schooling followed by a big ceremony that required I be fitted for a suit. This was the 1st sacrament for which I not only received all that “gift from the lord crap” but monetary gifts from my family and friends. NICE!
After several years without the church, the Catholics demanded my return during 7th grade. This time it was confirmation. This was apparently the BIGGY. It would require almost a year of Sunday school and would apparently cement my place in the church. This is where rational thought comes in.
I went to Sunday school every week like I was told, and followed the readings closer than most. The bulk of the class spent the majority of their time hurling blunt objects at our teacher who was embarrassingly inept. The more I read, and the more I learned about the belief structure of both the Catholic Church and Christianity in general, the more implausible the whole idea of god and Jesus became. Though I was developing my doubts about religion, I became well educated on it. I was often the kid answering all the questions during class… “Who was Lazarus Alex?” I had always been a good student like that. After class one day, my teacher tracked my mother down in the parking lot and told her what a wonderful student I was, and how I should consider entering their advanced bible study group because I had the potential to become a “GREAT” catholic.
As opposed to a shitty catholic?Before I was confirmed I came to the conclusion that I did not believe in the god, or in the catholic principles that had been drilled into my head at such a young age. I resented the church for tying to take advantage of my young and impressionable mind. I felt like a stranger among my peers. With great hesitance, I informed my mother of my decision to abandon the catholic faith. I did not feel it was right of me to be confirmed having abandoned the belief structure I was supposed to have accepted by this point….
Regardless, I was confirmed towards the end of my 8th grade year, not believing an ounce of the faith based values the church had attempted the impress upon me.
My decision to abandon Catholicism was based upon my knowledge and general disbelief in all the churches rationales for the existence of god. I don’t choose to be this way. I simply CAN NOT believe as so many do, despite numerous attempts by friends, and missionaries alike to “bring me into the arms of the lord”. I am a decent human being who serves himself and his fellow man to the best of his ability. I do not look down or think less of people who have faith, in fact, sometime I envy the solace religion gives them.
... the end of class forced me to cut my thoughts off. I don't really see too much of a need to resume writing, as I feel there is more than enough to write 10 stories in just those few paragraphs. I know I haven't said anything new or bold here, and I should probably search for some more original content, but it’s all I have at the moment. SO DEAL!
Please feel free to chime in with your opinions, observations, and judgments using the "COMMENT" link at the base of this post. later!
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